The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence
Sometimes we need a book like this, because not everyone is as obvious as this guy...
Oh sure, let me check in right now!
This book isn't about what to do after a crime has started. Instead, it's about how to prevent these things from happening in the first place. It's about using your intuition, a natural response to things being, "off". It's an instinctive survival signal that we've had since the caveman days.
"Since fear is so central to our experience, understanding when it is a gift - and when it is a curse - is well worth the effort."
Most of us ignore our intuition. Maybe we don't want to look like an idiot while running away from some weirdo on the street. Many times we try to come up with explanations, to explain the feeling away. A lot of us don't want to appear rude to people. Example: Someone walks up to you asking for help, but your gut is telling you to back away from this person. You stay to help anyway because you don't want to be rude. Hopefully nothing would happen but sometimes it does. Better safe than sorry.
One of the most interesting things that I learned from this book has to do with restraining orders. Did you know that if a woman gets a restraining order against an abusive husband/ex/boyfriend etc, he is more likely to kill her? By doing this, the woman has hurt the mans ego.
It's kind of the same with stalkers. If you get a restraining order against a stalker, this feeds their need for attention. Any contact with a stalker, or a similar person, will only cause more harm than good. The best way to get rid of an unwanted person is by going NO CONTACT. The author says that you will gain 6 more weeks of stalking behavior if you have any contact with this person. Don't let them down nicely, cut them off. Goodbye freak.
"No is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you."
"The blind eye, of course, will never recognize him, which is why I devote this chapter and the next to removing the blinders, to revealing the truths and the myths about the disguises someone might use to victimize you."
I would recommend this book to young and single women, or for any woman that goes out a lot alone. Theres some great information for those in abusive relationships too. This also has a fantastic section for managers, or anyone that does hiring/firing. It teaches you how to spot difficult people that are problem causers before you even hire them. It also shows you how to diffuse workplace violence before it even starts.
This entire book will not be relatable to everyone. There may be parts that pertain to you, and many that do not. It's still a great book and some of the information in it could be life saving to you or to someone you love.
"Denial is a save-now-pay-later scheme, a contract written entirely in small print, for in the long run, the denying person knows the truth on some level, and it causes a constant low grade anxiety."
"People who want to deceive you, I explain to Kelly, will often use a simple technique which has a simple name: too many details."
